terça-feira, 4 de junho de 2013

The five love languages

Have you ever heard of the five love languages?
A while ago my sister told me about this really cool book, that explains how people tend to express differently when it comes to love. Well, I am not a big fan of self-help books, but I decided to give it a try. And I am very happy to tell that it has really helped me!
The book was written by Gary Chapman, an american christian counselor. And you don't have to worry... Even if you are not religious, the book makes a lot of sense and applies to several ocasions in our lifes.
So, shall we? As I said, we have plenty different ways of expressing love. The books calls these different forms "languages". This is how you put your feelings out in the world. Here there are the five languages:
1) Words of affirmation. "I love you". Some people will just not feel happy before hearing these three magical words. But sometimes a "you are very special to me", "I like spending time with you", or "I am so happy with you!" will also do...
2)  Acts of service. Some people love to take care of the other. Things like cooking, cleaning up the room, washing the car. This is something I never really got, which was a problem for me, since this is my dad's favorite way of showing he loves me. It took me years to finally understand that, even thought he wasn't saying it out loud, he was showing it to me everyday with so many different acts of service. I am happy I finally got the message and that now I can say it back: I love you too, dad!
3) Quality time. Some people simply demand and supply the most precious gift of all: your time. To those people, there is no such thing as a weekend relationship! How would it be possible to see each other only for two days in a week? The more the better! Let's have lunch and dinner everyday. Let's go on a trip together. Let's sleepover. But we shouldn't forget the "quality" part of the equation! Just laying around watching tv is not enough. For those people, paying attention is also really important!
4) Physical Touch. And here I find my place! I just love to kiss, to hug, to cuddle... I can spend the entire day together. This is a really important language for me. And living here in Germany is sometimes really hard for me, in that sense. Somedays I just come to my friends and ask for hugs. Afterall, love (and for me that means hugs) is all you need.
5) Gifts. And here we find the most important language of all (at least for the capitalist economy). Giving and receiving gifts has become a must-do in today's society. And because of that, it often looses its meaning. Lots of times people who don't fully appreciate this language, practice it just because they have to. And when this happens, it is really easy to forget the meaning of it all. Usually, when someone speaks this special language, the value of the gift is not the most important. What really matters for this person is the act of giving and receiving. The meaning the gift has.
So... the book keeps going and tells us that we are usually fluent in one or two of those languages (which does not mean we don't like the other ones). What happens is that, when we prefer one of these languages, we usually tend to "speak" it and we also want to "hear" it. In that sense, it is easy to miss when someone is talking another language.
That is why it is so important to know about the five languages of love! So we can better understand our loved ones and even try to speak their own language.
Now... think here with me: how much misunderstandings happen all the time, because we are loving and being loved in different languages? Sometimes the message gets "lost in translation" and then... Then it's gone. Do you think it ever happened to you?
So! Wanna know which language do you speak? Take a quiz here, and tell me which language do you speak! Do it, just like Oprah did! 



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