terça-feira, 9 de abril de 2013

Es ist nur wasser

Berlin,  March 25 2013


So... Basically, one of the problems of winter is going outside your home. Of course I don't actually stop doing stuff because of the cold weather. I go to classes, do grocery shopping and hang out with my friends... But there is one task that I have being postponing for the last two months at least: going to the gym. The thing is that when I arrive tired at home and I take of my gloves, my two layers of jackets and my boots... and then after I prepare my warm homemade meal, and I am there quietly eating and feeling cozy... I just can't leave my home again! And then the following happens: I make a deal with myself. I say "alright, Gustavo, today you will not go to the gym, but only if you wake up earlier tomorrow morning, so that you can work out before going to class, ok?" Then I accept my proposal and sleep feeling happy with myself. Of course that in the next day I do wake up earlier, but only to look outside and see the snow and convince myself that I will work out after school. And this goes on for the last two months... Who would have thought...
Well, the good news is that last week I did go to the gym! And it was so good to be there again! Working out, seeing people, sweating... I think now I am ready for two more months without gym.
Anyway, the really interesting thing happened after the gym, when I was taking the S-Bahn to go to college. I was sitting near the window and next to me there was an empty seat. So I put my bag with my gym clothes there and started watching life happening through my window. You know, now spring is knocking in our door. We have sun again. The city is beautiful... I was looking through the window, looking at the buildings, the monuments... My mind flew. I didn't even remember where I was anymore. I didn't realize there were people around me. I even forgot I was in Berlin.
That was when I started feeling a warm thing in my leg. But my mind didn't want to give attention to it. It would rather delight itself with the trees longing for spring, with the smiling people walking on the streets, with the sun... But finally I moved my bag to see what was going on. And that was when I realized it was dripping wet.
My mind fell off the sky directly to the cold real world. I opened my bag and confirmed that my water bottle was empty. And my clothes, towel and shoes were soaked. Not to mention that my seat and my pants were also wet.
And that was it. That was all that it took to make me feel angry and ashamed at the same time. I instantly forgot about the sun, the trees, the smiles... All I could think of was my wet jeans and people looking at me, pointing and laughing, trying to guess which liquid was that in my pants. I also couldn't stop thinking on how much cold I would feel. And of course, how the old lady sitting in front of me would be judging me because of the mess I had done. I looked up and tried to find understanding in her eyes. So I said:
- Entschuldigung (I am sorry)...
And that was the first time I actually looked at her. And I realized she wasn't even paying attention to me. Her mind was also far, far away from that train. She looked at me and said:
- Es ist nur wasser... (It's just water...). 
And she smiled. But it was a sad smile. As if she looked at the mess and wished her own problems were as simple as water. As if she wanted her problems to evaporate and go away.
Those few words told me so much...
"It's just water, so keep looking at trees... It's just water, people are still smiling around you. It's just water and the sun keeps shining. It is just water, but one day it will be more that that. So keep your anger, frustration and worrying for those says. But for now, sweetheart, it is only water. Enjoy the sun, the trees, the people. When it is more than water you will look back and miss these days. Again, go back enjoying your sun, your trees and your smiling people. Enjoy it for me. Because in my case, it is not just water..."

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