terça-feira, 23 de abril de 2013

More than shorts, what spring really wants from us is courage...

I have been worried lately. Everything is different. The sun is rising earlier. Sunset comes later. The wind blows lightly on my skin. Now water comes to me as raindrops, not snow. I can feel things are changing. And I don't like it. I don't like changes. I don't like not knowing what to expect in my next day. Where is my certainty? How can one live like this?
Just breathe...
I wake up with the sunlight in my eyes. The clock tells me it is still 6:30 AM. Gosh, I really need some curtains! I go back to sleep and wake up late. This means quick shower, clothes and food. Now I am on the train.
I can't stop noticing that the girl sitting right in front of me is wearing boots, two coats and a scarf. And the guy next to her is wearing shorts and sunglasses. How dare him?! This kind of behavior is just outrageous! I get anxious just to look at those two... And I already start feeling my hearth beating faster.
Breathe... Just breathe.
The voice tells me the name of my station. It is time. I am now on the street. As I would have suspected, there is no sign of snow anywhere. It was gone. Five days already since the last time I saw it. And now I hear birds singing, for God's sake! Frankly, what is happenning to the world?! Tell me, can we relly on anything nowadays?
A mother walks by me. She is wearing a green dress, showing her legs. But her baby is wearing so many layers that I can barely see his face. It just doesn't make any sense to me! No sense at all!
Just breathe, Mark... Just breathe...
My mind is working fast now. Trying to assimilate all those news. The last time I had sun like this, it was for two days only. And then it got colder and colder. No, I will not fall for that again! The moment I start having hopes of a warmer future it will get worst!
Breathe, Mark.
I look at the small grassy sidewalk next to me. I stare at the yellow tulips. I am trying to get used to novelty. Trying to trust it won't go away. But it always go. Oh my... I feel so bad for those tulips. They don't have a clue that the snow will come back. The winter will be back in a feel days and they will all dye! 
As I looked my sad soon-to-be-dead tulips, a bike almost kills me! It passes only inches away from me! The guy from the bike shouts some bad words at me! He tells me to pay more attention! And I shout him back, saying that this is all I have been doing! I pay more attention than anyone! And this is why I know that I cannot trust anything!
The shock of almost dying so early in the morning, makes me even more anxious. I stop to breathe deeper. I feel so tired now... 
Just breathe, Mark, breathe...
I look for anything near where I can find rest for only a second. I lay my hand on the nearest wall. As I was busy breathing and calming down, I couldn't stop noticing there was someone watching me. I look up and I see an old man. He looks so old and tired and sad. But he looks deeply in my eyes. So I smile at him. He instantly smiles back at me...
And only after those seconds, I realize that I am looking at my own reflex in the window.
I am breathing and looking at myself.
Maybe tomorrow I will wear shorts.

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